Dress for success

At a recent physics teachers meeting a colleague commented to me on the generally poor state of the throng's sartorial elegance. It's not that she thought they should all be clothes horses or catwalk models but certain rules seem to have been ignored. This didn't just apply to the older people in the crowd.

In the interests of physics we drew up a few basic rules that seemed to have gone awry and we present them here for the benefit of new members of the profession:

• Trousers should meet shoes, or at least come within 2 cm of the laces. NB. Pedal pushers are not acceptable male attire.
• Sandals and socks should also be avoided. One of the few equations that all of the general public know (like E = mc²) is Socks + Sandals = Beard.
• Hair should be washed at least once a week (whether it needs to be or not), combing should take place more frequently. Particular styles are not important, but avoid hiding receding hair using the comb-over.
• If your jacket/cardigan frays at the elbow throw it away. Patching it up with leather patches is not decorous or clever. NB. Carpet samples are not an acceptable alternative.
• If you are watching a re-run of a 1970s television show one afternoon and you find yourself thinking how much you admire the actors' dress sense then it is time to go clothes shopping.
• Colours should match and complement each other. Some combinations should be banned, for example brown jacket with orange shirts are a no-no. Under no circumstances should you try to match brown tweed with anything, unless it's the inside of your dustbin.
• Men and ties. It is very common to want to wear one's old school or college tie to show off your origins and this is to be commended. However, it is not acceptable to wear the actual tie you wore at school, as this will be at least 20 years old, be rather frayed and will have your name sewn in the back by your mum.
• Ironing should be done on all outer garments, though there is no need to iron creases (fore and aft) so sharp that they cause paper cuts.
• Stains. If you accidentally spill some food or drink on your clothes, make sure you attempt to remove it as soon as possible and preferably within the same lunar cycle. Some teachers seem to think they should be worn with pride like the stains on a chemistry teacher's white coat. This is a myth.
• Materials. For scientists continually teaching about the wonder of smart materials, physics teachers are remarkably conservative in their choice of materials for their clothes. Try to break out from the traditional corduroy and tweed and practise what you teach.

Steven Chapman
Science Year Manager, British Association for the Advancement of Science